What would you tell someone who lost their father at an early age, was sexually abused, then saw the oldest brother literally lose his mind because of the burden placed at the age of 17 to care for his six siblings and his widowed mother? How would you encourage that same person knowing that these were just raindrops before the soon-coming life storm?
A few years down the road, another brother was involved in a scary motorcycle accident. Due to a severe head injury, this dear brother becomes mentally unstable too. When most girls just dream of getting on with life, this young girl gets a job at a bank and cares for two siblings in need of physical and financial help, adding her feeble mom under her wings as well.
As love came swiftly around the corner, she met a lad from another culture. Persuaded by prince charming, she decided to leave behind her difficult life, sharing her responsibilities with the remainder of the siblings that had enjoyed freedom till then.
Thousands of miles away from home, hoping for a fresh start. Days were going by, trying to get a hold of the new language, new husband, new house, new cat. All new. Before getting too comfy, she got a phone call with the news that her mother is severely ill. She goes back home to be with her mom in her dying days.
It’s starting to sprinkle. After her mom’s passing she returns in pain to her spouse, so she could cry just a little longer as her husband soon abandons her in this foreign land. Locked arms with God, and best buds with Fusu, the cat, she picks herself up trying to make ends meet.
Her eager hands work vigorously, yet no sons to bless her. Faithful to the one she said ‘I do’ , making him look good at the ‘city gates’, yet no husband to praise her. Speaking with wisdom, watching over the affairs of her house, serving sacrificially, yet often going unnoticed, and unappreciated as everyone’s busy doing life.
It’s raining hard. But, when it rains, it pours. The phone rings from back home, a brother died of a heart attack. The phone rings again a couple of years later, another brother passes away. Six months after that, she is scared to pick up the ringing phone, anyone would be by now. A third brother passes away. Out of six siblings, only three remained.
What do you do when heaven’s spitting rain drops, instead of gently letting them fall down? How can you keep sane when the sprinkles turn into a violent tornado? When pain makes you numb, when you’re all cried out, when all your dreams are stripped away, when you feel you’re losing grip on reality, when others are smiling and you keep on crying…
Hold tight to God’s truth even when emotions and pain tell you differently. As I’ve heard it said many times “Don’t doubt in the dark, what God has shown you in the light.” Don’t believe satan’s lies that God loves you no more, that He has forgotten you, that He has His favorite kids ‘good girls and good boys’. He’s no Santa. On His list we’ve all been naughty. We’re all messed up in His holy eyes, and in desperate need of Him.
Remember that our destination is heaven. In our race to heaven, we’re going through pit-stops to be tested, to be strengthened, to be made stronger, to be chiseled, so we could finish well the race, and receive our grand prize.
Believe that God is still in control even when everyone and everything seems to be collapsing. Things always go out of our hands, but they don’t escape God’s mighty sovereign hand. “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
Rely on the Holy Spirit. “In that same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Romans 8:26
Take courage, you are not alone. As my friend is still trying to regroup from her fresh pain, she has the chance to talk to a friend of hers who became homeless overnight. She understood that she’s not alone. We’re surrounded by people going through tough challenges. And in her pain she ministers to those around her. God comforts us in all our troubles, “so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4
Talk to God in your suffering. Include God more, even if you don’t feel His love. God understands pain, be it physical, emotional, or relational. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16
Don’t hang a sign at the door of your heart ‘Do not disturb’. Let others be strong for you. Avoid loneliness. Reach out for help, if people are unaware of your pain. Accept outside comfort.
Share your story as an illustration into the God bigger story. This story is not really mine to tell, but as permission was granted I’m grateful to my friend in letting me share it to encourage more believers out there that may think they’re the only ones suffering.
Don’t be discouraged if you don’t understand the ‘Why?’. Some people try to fit an answer even when God has not revealed one. So, some dare to judge and say that you are punished by God. In most cases, ignore them. Sure, the Bible says that God disciplines the child He loves. Sometimes it is because we bear natural consequences because of life decisions we’ve made. Other times, it’s simply because we just live in a sin-cursed world. But, quite often, it has nothing to do with us. It’s so that we could see God’s radiant glory in spite of our pain. As Jesus said to the disciples surrounding a blind man “‘Neither this man, nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” John 9:3
Jill Briscoe shared at a recent conference in Holland that, now being at a more seasoned time in life, she can look back in time, and better understand the bigger picture of why certain events happened. Only now she can say ‘…Oh, that’s why, Lord.’
Joseph went through so many painful experiences. But, only after years of faithfulness to God, he could say ‘…Oh, that’s why Lord!’ and looking at his brothers he could declare “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20
Some of us, maybe only in glory we’ll be able to look in hindsight and say ‘…Oh, that’s why!’ Because then, we’ll fully see God’s glorious and complex puzzle put together.
Sometimes we go through dry seasons of life. Other times it drizzles. Quite often though, it rains. And when it rains, it tends to pour buckets of heavy drops. Trust God and say it together with the Psalmist:
“When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.” Psalm 73:21-28