“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Philippians 3:4 NLT
Jill Briscoe has a book titled “Here I am Lord, send someone else”. Is that my response to someone else’s crisis when my life’s not problem free?
step 1 | be INTENTIONAL
My diary is sworn to the secrecy of my struggles. Needy, or needed… I thrive most when I focus on others.
I love how the MSG translation encourages us in Philippians 3 “Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.”
I’ve learned to make the people in my life uncomfortable by asking them direct questions through a phone call, or a meeting face-to-face (mask-to-mask nowadays).
Expats taught me the value of deep conversations. They tend to go faster and further because relationships are on a countdown. (And this countdown doesn’t end on a Happy New Year, but on a Happy Knowing You.)
When was the last time you showed genuine interest in someone else?
step 2 | be VULNERABLE
Five years ago I was sitting in a Parenting Conference where Tedd Tripp shared that we have to acknowledge our imperfections to our kids. That was offensive to my pride. After lots of soul-searching, and pride-breaking today my kids will say “Mommy, you don’t have to be that transparent with us.”
Paul is a great example of one who teaches with authority, yet with so much vulnerability.
“Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.” 1 Timothy 1:13 NIV
“… Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst…” 1 Timothy 1:15 NIV
Careful not to make the conversation about you as you’re transparent.
step 3 | be a LISTENER
Research has shown that if you finish someone else’ sentence, you are not a good listener. I have to always fight this instinct. My husband taught me not be intimidated by awkward silence in Bible study groups, or prayer meetings. The less audible from the group might start talking.
“To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.” Proverbs 18:13 NIV
Are you a sentence-finisher?
step 4 | be SAFE
“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” Proverbs 20:19 NIV
Trust is earned. We may have hundreds of friends on social media, but only a handful are safe friends. Let’s not compare their pain with ours. Let’s not share their story to others (be discreet in prayer requests settings).
Are you a safe friend?
step 5 | be PRAYERFUL
Paul takes prayer seriously “God… is my witness how constantly I remember you in my prayers at all times…” Romans 1:9-10 NIV
I love to end up my meetings in-person, or over the phone in prayer. I’ve learned it from my family growing up. Even as we prepared to travel, we’d always pack the car, then bow our heads to pray.
When you say ‘I will pray for you’, do you actually pray?
step 7 | be HOPE-GIVING
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 NIV
This might take some creativity at times. 2016 was a season when Jesus wanted me to create friendships with doctors, nurses, and patients, due to snowballed health issues in our home. My oasis of grace in that weary season was an elder’s wife who initiated these outings to Therme (a fancy spa-swimming place in Bucharest). Little did I know how healing it was to swim, to laugh, to cry, to eat… to just be. That elder’s wife became a precious friend to me.
How can you be more hope-giving next time?
step 6 | be BIBLICAL
When we give our two cents on our friend’s struggle, do we give advice as the world would, or is our counsel Scripture-filled?
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12 NIV
Do you give counsel from what your guts tell you, or what the Scriptures compel you?
step 8 | be SOLUTION-ORIENTED
My mentor is also a life coach. She taught me the value of questions. Are we asking the right questions to prompt Biblical thinking?
What resources: verses/ books/ sermons/ people/ songs can you suggest that might make a difference in your friend’s life?
ALWAYS be discerning to align all these resources with biblical truth.
The resources you’d suggest to your hurting friend, are they theologically-sound?
step 9 | be BLESSED
When I try to help others, I am possibly more blessed than the one I try to bless. Also, it’s a great reminder that I’m not the only one going through uncomfortable seasons.
“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” Acts 20:35 NIV
If Jesus says it, who are we to argue?